Can I borrow Your Blade?
by Property-Of-Ponyboy
Summary: Kim Curtis was never one to take things seriously...but what happens when she has to? What happens when she takes things too far? please R&R!
1. You scare me sometimes

**Ch. 1- you scare me sometimes **

**The pain felt so good. She smiled as the blood ran down her arm and tears streamed down her face. Kim Curtis lived for an adrenaline rush. Give her a blade and an empty room, and she'd be in paradise. Ever since she was little, she always had a thing for pain, but to her, it was pleasure. Most of the time, she only cut when she had a good reason.**

**(Kim's P.O.V.)**

**I heard the someone knock on the door. "Kim. You in there?" Darry said.**

**"Uh, yeah, hold on, I'm um, not dressed" I hid my arm and my blade.**

**"Well, hurry up! We gotta go!" He hollered.**

**"Kay" I said. I stood up and felt a little light headed. I got dressed in my boy beater and my favorite jeans; the ones with the holes in the knees. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night so I was a little tired. I snuck into the bathroom without Darry noticing so I could wrap my arm. We were almost out of bandages. Darry was waiting in the car.**

**"Kim! Come on! we're gonna be late!" he yelled.**

**"I'm coming!" I said as I grabbed my switch and my smokes. I hopped in the car and Darrel immediately saw my arm.**

**"What's wrong with your arm?" he asked.**

**"Oh, I think I may have sprained it or somethin last night"  
Darry could always tell when I was lying through my teeth. He looked at me suspiciously. "alright" he said.**

**"Where are we going anyway?"**

**"We're meeting Soda at the DX remember?" "No" He never mentioned anything about the DX. Or maybe I just wasn't listening.**

**"Yeah, we were all gonna go catch a movie at the drive in. You're coming right?" He asked as he stepped on the gas. I'm not really into movies. That was more Ponyboy's thing.**

**"I don't know. I thought maybe I'd catch up with Adam"  
"Who's Adam?" he asked confusedly**

**"My boyfriend."**

**"another one?" he said annoyingly, "Kid, at sixteen you've gone through more boyfriends then most girls who are twenty-eight" he joked. I thought of my friend Lacy. Lacy's my best friend. I've known her since I was about three and now we're both sixteen and closer than ever. She's had more boyfriends than me. I wonder if her parents bitch to her about it like Darry does.**

**"Adam's been my boyfriend for almost a year now,"**

**"No he hasn't" Darry protested**

**"Yes he has, you just don't pay attention"**

**"Hey, don't get mouthy with me little buddy." he warned.**

**"sorry" I mumbled.**

**"Well, if you wanna bring him along to the movie," Darry hinted.**

**"We'll see"**

**We got to the DX, and the gang was there: Soda, Ponyboy, Steve, Two-Bit, and Darry's girlfriend Jess. "Hey ya'll" Darry said happily.**

**"Hey Dar," Jess said. He planted a kiss on her cheek.**

**"What's happenin man?" Two-Bit said.**

**"Not much. Are we going to the movie or what? It's getting Dark."**

**"Yeah, lets go" Sodapop said. **

**"I'll see you guys later" I told Darry.**

**"Alright, don't be home too late okay?" Darry said. I nodded and waved.  
Adam's house was near the DX. I walked over in about ten minutes. I knew better than to knock on the front door, 'cause Adam's parents never liked me. They hated him being around me and told me over and over again to stay away from him. So I walked around to the side of the house and banged his window a few times. He pulled back the curtains and smiled that adorable smile of his. He opened the window. "Hey baby," he said warmly. He gave me a kiss on my cheek. "What's goin down?"**

**"Nothing, just came by to see if you wanted to hang out for a while"**

**"Hell yeah I do." he said enthusiastically. I giggled. "Awww…you're so cute when you laugh."**

**"Well, uh, you wanna go grab something to eat?" I asked.**

**"Yeah, sounds great." He hopped out of his window.**

**"Don't you wanna tell your parents that you're leaving?"**

**"I don't think they'd think it's such a hot idea."**

**"Yeah, you're probably right." I agreed after I thought about what I was saying.**

**"Lets go." We linked arms and he noticed the bandages. I'm so stupid!**

**"What happened?" he said concerned.**

**"It's nothing." I pulled my arm away.**

**"Kim, really?"**

**"It's nothing, I swear"**

**"You been cutting yourself again?" he asked at little angrily.**

**"No, I-I haven't."**

**"Don't lie to me Kim." He's always hated liars. I knew he could see right through me so I turned away.**

**"Kim!"**

**"What? I didn't do anything wrong." I felt really stupid after I said that because I knew he thought it was one of the worst things I could ever do. Even though I could think of worse things I've done…  
Besides, I had a good reason. Or, I wished I did.**

**"What's wrong? Why did you do this?" he demanded.**

**"I-I just" I couldn't think of a lie.**

**"Kim, you know I don't like you doing that," he told me for the millionth time.**

**"Why do you care?" I said coldly**

**"Why do I care?" he said, "I care because I care about you." he sighed, "and I don't want you to hurt yourself."**

**I really did feel bad. "I'm sorry." I said trying to make eye contact.**

**"You just scare me sometimes," he confessed. "I worry about you"  
I felt bad now. I wanted to cry but it seemed like I would be crying for nothing, so I held the tears back and looked away. He smiled and tried to make me feel better. "Come on" he grabbed my hand, "lets go back to your place ok?" He always knew how to make me smile.**


	2. How Could You?

Ch.2- How could you? 

That night went by so fast. The next thing I knew I woke up with the worst hangover I've ever had and I had no idea where I was. I sat up and looked around. I was in Adam's room but I couldn't remember how I got there. He was next to me in his boxers, still asleep. Oh man, my head hurt somethin bad. "Adam," I shook him lightly, "Adam, wake up."

He grunted. "What time is it?" "I don't know"

He sat up and kissed me on the cheek. "How ya' feelin'?

"Not so great. What happened last night?"

A smile spread across his face and he looked me up and down. "You know."

"Really?" I asked, "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Uh, no."

"Wow, you really were juiced huh?" he said surprised.

"I guess so."

"Yeah, well, we went over to the dingo and we got drunk and uh…I don't really remember what happened after that, I only remember coming back here and, well, you know." he winked.

My eyes widened. "Did we?" He nodded. Oh god.

"What about your parents?"

"They went to visit my aunt in Oklahoma city for the weekend, they left last night"

"How could you take advantage of me like that!" I said loudly and suddenly.

"What?" he said, "You seemed fine with it at the time."

"I was drunk!"

"Yeah, so?" he said casually.

"So you knew I wasn't thinkin straight!"

"It's not like you haven't done it before,"

That's when he went too far. "You cant count that!"

"And why not?"

"because that was- it was- against- against my will"  
Horrible memories of that night when I was fourteen flooded my head. Those drunk socs stepping out of their stingray, and that blade…I felt tears build up behind my eyes. 'Don't cry' I told myself, 'whatever you do, don't cry.'

"Look I'm sorry Kim, I was just-"

"Just thinking of yourself?"

He looked down "Yeah."

I didn't expect him to admit it, so I had to give him credit for that.

"I-I guess I overreacted a little."

"No, you had the right to. I'm-I shouldn't have"

"Yeah, you shouldn't have." I said harshly.

He sighed deeply. "Look," I told him, "I'll forgive you if you promise not to tell anyone."

He looked up at me, "Well, yeah, I wasn't gonna"

I leaned forward and kissed him lightly.

"Shit!" he said suddenly

"What?"

"I'm gonna be late for work!" he jumped up and quickly got dressed.

"What time is it?" I asked

"It's almost ten!" he said hurriedly.

Crap. Darry is gonna kill me. "Catch ya' later" he called as he walked out the door.

I ran home as fast as I could. By the time I got to the house I was so out pf breath I could hardly stand up. I hoped that maybe Darry would already be at work, but, of course, he was there waiting. I stood there, ready to get Darry's worst, but to my surprise he just stood up and glanced at me regretfully and as he walked out the font door he said, "How could you"  
I think that was ten times worse then getting yelled at.


	3. At least I still Have You

Ch.3- At least I still have you.

I sat around the house all day and wondered why Darry hadn't yelled and bitched at me. It seemed like he had finally had it with me. I couldn't even think straight. Maybe Lacy will know what to do. If I can find her damn number. I shuffled through a bunch of papers and drawers. And while I was searching I found I bag of rubbers that had a big "S" on the front. Obviously it belonged to Sodapop. Ever since he and Melissa got Married last summer, they've spent almost every waking hour together. And so have Darry and Jess, but who knows if he'll ever pick it up and propose. Anyway, I figured that I'd take a few. Soda won't notice. Finally after tripping over a few things and stumbling across a "interesting" letter from Sandy to Soda, I finally found Lacy's number. 438-8649.  
The phone rang three times and finally Lacy's dad answered.  
"What?" he said. He sounded kind of sauced.

"Hi Jimmy," I said slowly "Is Lacy there?"

"Lacy?" he asked.

"Your daughter."

"Right, hang on." I could here him yelling her name. "Get over here!"

"Hello?" the familiar voice said.

"Hey Lace,"

"Hey Kimi!" she said sweetly. I loved how she called me that; She was the only one who actually did. "What's happenin?"

"Well--" and I told her the whole story.

"How could he do that to you?" she said abruptly, "you're not gonna stay with him are you?"

"Well, I," I started.

"Kim! You're not serious are you?"

"Well, he-he said we were drunk and, it's not like he meant to."

"You were drunk?" she said surprised.

"You act like I've never been wasted before"

"Not bad enough to let something like this to happen!" he said angrily

"Look Lacy, I didn't ask your opinion, I just-"

"If you didn't want my opinion why'd you call?"

"I just needed to tell someone," I said helplessly. "I thought I could tell you of all people," there was a long silence. "but I guess I was wrong." I slammed the phone down.  
Great. That's just great. Now my brother and my best friend are pissed at me. I felt kinda sick so I lied down for awhile and before I knew it, it was the next morning.

---------------------------- As soon as I opened my eyes a throbbing pain in my stomach told me to run to the bathroom. After throwing up a few times I felt really weak so I layed down again.  
Man my head hurt something bad. I finally got up around an hour later. I still felt a little shaky. I glanced over to the clock; it flashed 10:08 AM. What can I do? Lacy's pissed at me, Soda's at work, Darry's out roofing, and who knows where the hell Ponyboy is. Maybe Liss and Jess can do something with me…  
Ring, ring…

" Hello?" Jess answered

"Hey Jess" I said casually.

"Kim. Hi, how ya' feelin?" she asked immediately.

I tried to play it cool. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, uh--"

"Lacy told you didn't she?"

"Well, yeah." she admitted

"God damn it. Some friend she is huh?" I said I little angrily.

"Kim, we had to drag it outta her, she didn't want to tell us."

"Right"

"Kim, come on." she said.

"Alright well, what are ya'll up to?"

"We're just hangin out"

"Who's over?" I asked.

"Uh, you know, Lissa and Kit are here, Pony's here too."

"Oh, so that's where he's been?"

"Yeah, him and Kit have been making out in the bedroom this whole time" I couldn't help but laugh, and apparently neither could Jess, I could hear Lissa in the background too.

"How long have them two been together now?"

"Uh, I don't know, a few months I think. Four or five."

"Right. Ok, well, I'll talk to you later and then maybe we can all do something later okay?"

"Alrighty" she said cheerfully, and the line went dead. Now what?

I tried to do some stuff to take my mind off the whole situation.

I sat around the house for the whole day doing absolutely nothing. There's nothing on TV and no good books worth reading. I'm so bored. I finally figured I'd go for a walk down to the lot and back, why not? I walked down and sat against the fence for a while. A few hours actually. I just thought about everything, Adam, Lacy, that night two years ago… So much for not thinking about it. I sat there until it got pretty dark and realized I should get home before Darry so he didn't hate me anymore then he already did. It was freezin anyways.

When I got home Soda was there but thank god Darry wasn't.

"Hey Pop," I said as I strolled in.

"Hey Kim," He said sweetly, "How ya' feeling?"

I sighed heavily. "You have no idea how many people have asked me that today."

"I-I was just askin…sorry"

"It's alright, I was just saying is all"

"Oh, okay." he said.

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"It was ok, you know, just workin, how bout you?"

"It was good, I was just uh, here all day and I walked down to the lot."

He was quiet.

"Soda," I started, "Is Darry mad at me?"

He looked up from his newspaper. "Come here," he slid over to one side of the couch.  
I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me.

"He just, doesn't want you to get out of control that's all."

"Well, I know I just, I can't stay a kid forever"

"and he knows that, he just doesn't want you to do something stupid," he told me.

"So, he expects me to?"

"That's not what I said." Soda protested.

"You didn't have to."

"Just, don't give him a reason to be mad at you, okay?"

"Thanks Sodapop. I'm lucky to have a brother like you." I hugged him tightly.

"I'll see ya in the morning"

At least I still got Sodapop. 


	4. So much for family support

Ch.4-So much for family support

The next few days were pretty much the same. I just spent most of my time at home doing nothing and hating it, mostly because everyone was still mad at me. I still felt sick occasionally and threw up a few times. I guess I was just a little sick. But it wasn't till four days later when I found out what was really going down.

"Lacy!" I said Panicked as soon as she answered the phone.

"Kim? What's wrong? You sound worried"

"Lacy" I choked, "I'm late!"

"Late for what?" she said

"You know"

"No?" she said stupidly.

"THAT time of the month?" I hated having to spell things out for her.

I heard her gasp, "What!"

"Lacy, I'm so scared" I said on the verge of tears.

"I'm coming over okay?" she said quickly

"hurry!"

I paced through the living room back and forth until Lacy finally came. She slammed through the door and smothered me with a hug.

"Kimi." she said. She let go of me. "Come on, sit, we gotta talk about this" She grabbed my shoulder and pulled my over to the table.

"Are you sure?" was the first thing she said.

"Yeah, three days late. Three, Lace." I said as I put my head in my hands.

"Well, what are you gonna do?" she asked.

"Wh- what do you mean? I don't have a ch- choice, we can't afford to abo- abort it." I said in-between sobs. "How am I gonna tell Darry?" I cried.

"It's gonna be okay" She patted my back. I cried on her shoulder for the a while.

This is why I love Lacy. We can be in the middle of a fight, and she'll forget about everything and forgive me if I really need her. She was so loyal.

After I calmed down Lacy suggested that we go get ice cream.

It always seemed like ice cream made everything okay…at least for a while.  
We went downtown and each got chocolate ice cream and a Pepsi. For some stupid reason it made me feel ten times better. We sat by the fountain in the park until it got dark.

"We should probably go back to your house and break the news to your brothers"

"Only if you'll stay with me tonight."

"Of course" she smiled.

This was going to be the hardest thing I've ever have to do. After having my mind off this whole thing for a few hours, I started thinking about everything on the way home and tears started up again.

"Lacy, I can't do this. I can't." I said as we approached the house.

"Kimi, you have to tell them eventually, might as well get it over with." She was right. I hated it when she was right. But then again, It was just not what I wanted to hear.

"Okay."

We walked in quietly and Darry, Soda, and Ponyboy all sitting on the couch watching tv.

"Hey Kim" Pony said warmly

"Hiya' sis!" Soda exclaimed. But he immediately sensed something was wrong. "You been cryin?" he asked.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I have to tell ya' something." They all looked up at me and listened closely.

I let even more tears fall down my face. "I-I'm-I'm pregnant"

Right away I turned into Lacy to cry onto her shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ponyboy's jaw drop and Soda and Darry give each other horrified looks.

Darry stood up quickly "GET OUT!" he bellowed and violently pointed towards the door.

"DARRY!" Ponyboy and Sodapop yelped together.

"Don't you dare stand up for her!" he yelled back at them. "I'm sick of it!"

"Darry, you can't just kick her out!" Soda protested.

"You shut your trap! I'm responsible for you guys and I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"Darry, give her another chance," Ponyboy begged.

"No, I gave her a chance after she wrecked the car, I gave her a chance when she was dumb enough to walk home alone after dark and got herself jumped, after she came home at six in the morning drunk, I am through givin' her chances and I mean it!"

Soda gave Darry a disappointed look.

"Now get out before I make you!"

I gave him one more pleading look before I walked out, but all I got back was his icy stare. So much for family support. 


	5. Not everyone is a Complete Jerk

Ch. 5- Not everyone is a complete jerk

"Come on, lets go back to my house okay?" Lacy said.

I got sick along the way and had to stop a couple times. By the time we got back to Lacy's place I was as white as my tank top.

Lacy's dad was out somewhere, probably for the night so we had the place to our selves. We got into bed as soon as we got there but I didn't sleep all night. I just kept thinking about everything and how screwed up I feel. Why me? I asked myself over and over again. I think I may have gotten about a half an hour of sleep. Lacy was lucky enough to get a few more hours in. When Lacy woke up I was sitting at the kitchen table playing solitaire. "Hey Kimi, Sleep good?"

"Not really." I said sleepily.

"Oh, I'm sorry" she said sweetly.

"Well, I'll just have to get used to it huh?"

She smiled faintly.

"Do you wanna go back to your house and get your stuff in a while?" she asked.

"Not really but I will,"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice" I replied.

So, we went back over to my house around an hour later.  
I got the spare key from under the mat and opened the door quietly.  
Soda was sitting in the living room.

"Kim!" he said surprised, "what are you doing here?"

He pulled me into a hug. "Soda, I miss you already."

"Awww, Kimi, I missed you too." he finally let go. "but what are you doing here?"

"I just came by to get my stuff," I said.

"Well, better not let Darry catch you. You shoulda' seen him after you left. I don't think I've ever seen him so ticked off."

"He's at work right?"

"Mmhmm" he mumbled.

Me and Lacy got all my stuff together and bid our goodbyes to Soda, "Tell Pony I said 'hi' will ya? I love you Soda!" I yelled as I walked out past the gate.

"Love you too!" I heard him say.

"Wanna go out somewhere?" Lacy suggested.

"Actually I was gonna go talk to Adam"

"Oh, right, he doesn't know. How are you gonna break it to him?"

"I haven't really thought about it," I admitted.

"Well, I guess I'll see ya back at the house okay?"

"Yeah," I stretched out my arms for a hug. After a big squeeze, I was off to Adam's house. Here goes nothin.

Fifteen minutes and a bus ride later, there I was, standing at his door. And this time, I wasn't climbing through any window.

I rang the door bell twice and his mother came to the door.

"Oh, Kimberly. It's you, well, I suppose your hear to see Adam, correct?"

"Um, Yes Ms. McKenzie, I'll just go see him. he's in his room right?"

"Oh, of course" she said with a twisted smile. I told you she hated me.

I walked into his room and saw the worst possible thing that you can imagine: Adam locking lips with someone else. "Adam!" I screamed.

He opened his eyes alarmed, "Kim?" he yelped.

I glared at him and the tramp that was still underneath him.

"What the hell is this?" I snapped.

"It's not what it looks like. I swear,"

"Don't lie to me Adam"

"Well, she was just--she came onto me, I was trying-" he swallowed hard, "I was trying to push her off me"

I was desperately trying to keep myself from doing something dumb. "You know what Adam?" I said calmly, "fine. If you want her instead of me," I pointed to her, "That's just fine." I said shakily. I gave him a look of hatred and stormed out, but before I walked out I said one more thing: "and to think I thought you'd help me with the baby."

He looked completely shocked. My job here is done, I thought to myself.

I trudged through the living room past Adam's mom, "Did you catch him at a bad time?"She said slyly.

"Go to hell you damn drunk" I said on my way out. I threw the door open and flew down the stairs. The girl Adam was with rushed out behind me, "wait, please, wait!" She hollered at me. I walked on and after a few more annoying shouts from her I whirled around to face her.

"What do you want?" I snarled.

"Look, I just wanted to apologize. I'm rea--"

"There is nothing you can possibly say to make me want to forgive you, got it?"

"Will you just let me finish?" she said loudly.

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows, "Yeah?"

"I had no idea you were with him, really" she paused for a minute. "If I had known I would never gotten too close to him, I'm really sorry."

I examined her up and down for a minute with a hard stare. But I broke down and sighed deeply.

"Yeah, okay, I believe you," I smiled sweetly, "I just, didn't think he would ever do something like this to me."

"Yeah, he doesn't seem the type" she agreed. I looked away because I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes.

"I'm Carmen," she said as she held out her hand. I turned back and saw her smiling. It made me feel a lot better that she wanted to know me. "Thanks, I'm Kim." there was a long silence.

"Well, this is a little awkward," she chuckled.

"Yeah,"

"Well, hey maybe we can go to the movies or somethin sometime, you dig?"

"Yeah," I said brightly, "but I'm not feeling so great right now, here, why don't you give me your number and I'll call you soon okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good." she replied.

I pulled a pen out from my pocket and wrote her number down on my arm.

"Talk to you soon!" she said as we went our separate ways. It took my awhile to prosses the fact that I was now completely alone in raising the baby. I realized that there was no point in crying. So I just sighed a few times. but on the other hand, I had a new friend.  
It's good to know not everyone is a complete jerk. 


	6. Who's Problem Is That?

Ch. 6- Who's Problem is That?

"WHAT?" I said loudly through the phone that Sodapop was on the other end of.

"Yeah, I know" he said.

"So it's okay for Darry to get Jess pregnant but it's not okay for me to be?" I said angrily.

"Well, come on Kimi, she's older and she's got a job and all" Soda reminded me.

"Well, yeah but I just, I don't know. I just don't think it's fair"

"I don't see why he had to kick you out"

"Yeah" I said with a sigh.

I sure did miss home.

"Well anyway, the weddings in a month or so," Soda said.

"Why are you tellin me? it's not like Darry wants me there"

"Come on now, Kim,"

"Soda, he threw me out of the house, do you really think he wants me at his wedding? He probably expects me to screw something up or something. Or maybe he just doesn't want to see my face"  
"I know he can be kinda harsh sometimes but he does love you, really, even though it may not seem like it."

"mmhmm" I mumbled.

"Uh-oh, I gotta go, call ya later!" Soda said amazingly fast. Darry had probably walked in.

"Lacy!" I called from the bedroom.

"Yeah" she poked her head in.

"You wanna go do something? Since I feel okay for the first time in like, two weeks"

"Well, I can't, I'm uh, meeting someone." she said suspiciously.

"Alright, whatever. We can hang out when you get back mkay?"

"Yeah, sure" she said as she grabbed her keys off the table and put her cancer sticks in her back pocket, "bye!" and she walked out the door.

"Don't do anything stupid!" I yelled after her.

Well, I could call that one chick, what was her name again? Carmen! That's it. Her number was still on my arm, why not?

"Hello?" a female voice answered.

"Carmen?" I said shyly.

"Hi Kim." she said warmly "How are ya?"

"I'm good, thanks for asking, how are you?"

"I've been better, but that doesn't matter," there as a little silence. "what's happenin with you?"

"Well, I was just sitting around and I thought maybe you might wanna go downtown and go see a movie or something"

"Oooo, sounds like fun, uh, when were you thinking?" she asked.

"Uh, right now if you can" "Okay, see ya in a few, by the bus stop kay?"

"Yeah"  
I walked out the door casually and felt an incredibly painful jolt in my stomach. Ouch! I thought about callin our plans off, but I really needed to get out of the house.

I walked along the sidewalk, daydreaming about the first time I met Adam, and how I thought he was someone I could spend the rest of my life with. How we had talked for nine hours straight the first time he called. And how Darry had to tackle me to get me off the phone. Tears formed behind my eyes. Damn it. No matter how many times I promised myself I was done crying over him, this always happened. Suck it up, I said to myself. I walked on, getting stared at occasionally by some socs that were circling the neighborhood. But I had my switch, so I didn't let it show that I was nervous.

I approached the bus stop to see Carmen leaning against a parking meter smokin a weed. He hair was a light brown, like my eyes, and it looked really shiny in the sun. She was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans. She looked a lot like I did, except I had a black shirt on. "Kim!" She said as she waved frantically. "Hi Carmen." I greeted her as I stumbled over the sidewalk. 

"Smooth," She giggled.

"Yeah" I said sarcastically.

"Well, we could go to the movies, or down to the store, what do you wanna do?"

"The store?" What on earth can we do at the convenience store?

"Yeah, we could buy some cokes and a candy bar or two and just go down to the park and hang out or something?" she said nervously. I don't know why she was.

I nodded gingerly.

I spent most of the night talking to Carmen and learned a lot about her. She's 16 and has a younger brother that's Ponyboy's age. She works down at the DX's leading competitor, the Motrex part-time so she can support Matt, her brother, because they live alone with their dad and he, well, let's just say he doesn't treat them right. She showed me the bruises on her arms and shoulders. We stayed out pretty late, until about 10:30 and finally she had to go home with fear of getting slapped.

"Bye Carmel." I said as she turned to walk away.

"Carmel?" she turned back to me confusedly.

"Yeah," I chuckled, "it's the color of you hair."

She nodded coolly, "Okay"

And that was the best time I've had in the past two weeks.

"Lacy!" I called as I walked through the door, "You home?"

"Uh, I'm in my room," she answered.

I dragged my feet to her room and, to my surprise, saw Lacy's newest victim putting his shirt back on.

"Bye Lace," he said in a low and hurried tone and he rushed out the door.

I smirked and rolled my eyes as he walked past me.

"Did you just-?"

"Mmhmm" she smiled sickly.

"Lacy!" I said in a hushed voice, "Your dads home!"

"Yeah, but he's so juiced a freight train wouldn't wake him." She was obviously drunk too.

"Don't be a smart ass Lacy, it doesn't work for you"

"Okay, well, it's none of your business what I do with me boyfriend so just stay out of it got that?"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" I snapped at her.

"I'm the one who's house your staying in because your own family doesn't want you"

"Bitch!" I pushed her back onto the bed. She glared at me.

"Don't make me throw you out too," she said through clenched teeth.

"Lacy. I just don't want you to end up like me."

"Yeah, who'd want that" she sneered.

I socked her right in her jaw.

"Get out!" she screamed.

I clapped my hands to my mouth. "Lacy, I'm-I'm sorry!"

"Just get out!"

"Lace, please," I begged her, "please, I'll have no where else to go"

"And Who's problem is that?"

Back to square one... again. 


	7. A dosage or Two?

Ch.7- A dosage or Two?

I pounded violently on the door, "Soda! Lemme in!"

Soda came to the door rubbing his eyes.

"Kimi?" he said sleepily, "What are you doing here?"

"Lacy threw me out" I said shakily, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course,"

"Do you think Darry will mind?"

"I'll reason with him"

I tried to smile, "Thanks Sodapop," I said as I threw my arms around him.

I flopped down on the familiar sofa, and stretched out. Ponyboy strolled in.

"Kim!" he yelled. He ran over and jumped on my stomach. I winced.

"Oh," he said tenderly, "Sorry"

I grinned. "It's okay," and I attacked him into a hug.

Darry walked in with Jess attached to his arm.

"Hey Jess" I beamed,

"Hi Kimi," she said a bit puzzled.

"Hey Dar," I mumbled.

"Kimberly," he said sternly.

I stood up and cleared my throat. "Darry, I just wanted to say that, I'm really, really sorry" I took a deep breath, " and I didn't mean to disappoint you like I did"  
His expression stayed cold for a few seconds, but he broke down and pulled me into a giant bear hug. "I'm sorry Kimi" he said lovingly, "I really am."

I didn't think he would give in this easily.  
"Does this mean I can come back?" I asked hopefully while still being squeezed to death.

He finally let go of me and gave me a look of approval, "Yeah, you can come back"

"So Jess," I started, "Now we have something in common."

And surprisingly she actually knew what I was talking about.

"Yeah, I guess we do,"

"How far along are you?" I asked.

"Well, I went in to the doctor's for a check-up, and they said I've been pregnant for almost two months now."

"Wow, that's great Jess" I said sincerely. She looked up at Darry and grinned broadly.

Seeing Jess and Darry so happy together was actually kinda' depressing, knowing that I'll probably never have something like they do. I was thinking about how much I wanted to be so in love like they were. I'm most likely gonna be the last one in my family to fall in love or get married, even after Pony.  
Why do relationships never work out for me? It crossed my mind that it had something to do with that whole "Karma" thing, but what have I ever done wrong? ...Don't answer that.  
When I finally snapped back into reality and stopped drooling all over myself, Darry and Jess had disappeared. They just can't get enough of each other.

"Soda, what's it like to be in love" Ponyboy asked Sodapop.

"Shoot kid, how many times have you asked me that?" he said.

"Well, I dunno, I just, you always seem so happy when your around Lissa, and well, I'm trying to decide whether or not I-" he stopped suddenly.

"You what?" I asked eagerly.

"I wanna figure out if I'm in love with Kit."

Soda burst out laughing.

"What!" Ponyboy cried, "I'm serious"

"Ponyboy," Soda rested his arm on Pony's shoulder, "You cant decide whether or not you're in love. It just, happens."

"Oh," He said cluelessly.

I love how adorably naïve he is.

"You'll know when you're in love Ponyboy, you just gotta let it come to you."

Soda is really smart. At first glance you'd think that he's just a fun-loving teenager who ogles cars, I mean, he is, but he's really been around and he knows what he's talking about. No wonder I always come to him for help to my problems.  
I tried to go to sleep shortly after Soda took off too Melissa's house, but I kept thinking about random things. These weird images just kept popping into my head and they made no sense at all... Me walking in the middle of the road kicking a rock and stumbling every time I missed it...My old cat, pickles, chasing his mouse around the room. Where are these coming from? I must've lied in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling.

Around 2:30 in the morning I got up and walked into the kitchen to stare at the refrigerator for a few minutes before I remembered that there was a bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom. I figured it wouldn't hurt to take just one. So I popped the pill and slipped back into bed. It was only a matter of minutes before the capsule worked it's magic and I was fast asleep.

"Kim!" Darry shook my vigorously, "wake up!"

"What?" I grunted.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"What? Why wouldn't I be?" I yawned.

"You've been passed out for the last two days, Kim."

"What?" I said alarmed. I sat up quickly and looked around. Why don't I have any idea what happened? My head throbbed painfully and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Do you know what's going on?" I asked him through clenched teeth.

"Well, the bottle of sleeping pills is halfway empty"

"Huh?" I said, "I only took one"

"That's not what the doctor said" He pointed to a medical report on the beside table.

"Doctor?" I said confusedly.

"Yeah, we called after the first day that you wouldn't wake up and he said it was an overdose that knocked you out"

"Overdose?" I said helplessly.

"Yeah, Kim," he said angrily, "An overdose"

I looked down shamefully, "Are you going to throw me out again?"

He looked at me thoughtfully. "No Kim, I'm not going to throw you out." he said reassuringly, "but I do want you to try harder to stay out of trouble. I can't keep fixin' things you mess up."

"Yeah, I know." I said, "It just seems almost impossible"

"Kim, I don't care what it seems like," he said, "All you gotta do is kick back and don't do anything you shouldn't, alright little buddy?"

"I guess," I said unsure, "Thanks Dar" 

Okay, so he last two chapters haven't been so good. I'm having writers block. But I swear it will get better. Really… 


	8. And it was back to being alone

Ch. 8- And it was back to being alone.

Darry's right. I gotta just stay out of trouble and try no to do anything stupid. But, who am I kidding? I'll mess something up eventually. But for now, I'll just relax.

So, I thought, what can I do today that wont get me thrown in jail or out on the streets again? I was thinkin of what I could do so I wouldn't die of boredom when my stomach tensed and I shot up to the bathroom.

How many times did I have to throw up until I could take a breath?

When it finally stopped, I sat back against the bathtub and cried for a long time.

I hate being sick like this. I hate everyone acting so weird around me. But most of all I hate being alone.

I reached for my razor and popped out the blade without thinking. I looked down at the sharp object and told myself not to try what I was about to do, but since when do I listen to myself? I felt the warm blood run down my arm and a sensation of pleasurable pain. The hurt my wrist took my mind off the one in my stomach. This was the most times I'd ever cut myself. I started to feel woozy and really tired. Why fight it? Just then I saw Sodapop rush over to my almost lifeless body, right before I let my eyes slide closed. 

---------

For what seemed to be days, I was in an endless dream. Nothing made sense but it was exactly what I wanted. My life was back to normal, and I mean normal like, before I was a soon-to-be mother. I was out with all my best friends dancing and laughing, having an amazing time. I was actually happy, which was a big deal for me. Did you ever hear someone tell you that your dreams are what you truly want? I have, and it made sense to me now. That's all I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. But that's never gonna happen.

As my fantasy came to a close, I saw Adam walking towards me and everything around him was blurred. He had a menacing look on his face and it looked like he was fixin to kill me. And that's when I woke up.

I looked around and I was in a white room with Darry and Jess, Soda and Lissa, Ponyboy and Kit, and Carmen and Lacy.

I sat up slowly and looked around.

"Back up and give her some room" I heard Darry say to the others.

"Sodapop?" I asked, "what happened?"

"I don't really want to talk about it" he said shakily.

"Please,"

"You almost killed yourself, Kim" he choked.

"Huh?" I said alarmed. But he didn't have to explain because when he said that I remembered the entire thing. I remember thinking there was nothing worth living for, and that the only way to stop the hurt is to slit my wrist. But, I've felt like that before, so I don't see why I took it this far this time. 

"Where are we?" I asked.

"We're at the hospital, you've been here for the past three days." Darry replied.

"Wha-" I started to say before Darry exploded.

"Kim!" he said aggravated, "I've told you not to do this," he pointed at my arm, "I half knew you'd never listen, but I never thought you would take it this far." He turned away and stared at his feet in disbelief. 

I looked down mournfully, "Darry," I said quietly, "are you ashamed of me?"

He looked back at me frowning and I expected the worst.

"No Kim, I'm not ashamed of you." he said and smiled faintly. "I just, question what you do sometimes. I just wish you could go more than a few days without getting into all kinds of trouble"

"I know, and I do too but I don't-I don't think that's an option for me at this point"

Soda leaned forward and embraced me.

"Kim, You can stay out of trouble if you'd just try"

"I guess," I mumbled under my breath.

He opened his mouth and began to say something but shut his it tight and cracked his knuckles.

"When am I allowed to go home?"

"I think they want you to stay here tonight and go home sometime tomorrow, do you think you can manage?" Soda informed me.

"Yeah, I think so" I lied.

The last thing I wanted to do was spend the night alone in a creepy hospital but I wouldn't tell that to Sodapop.

I looked down and sighed deeply when a doctor came in and announced that visiting hour was over. Damn.

"Bye Soda, Ponyboy, Darry, and everyone else."

"Bye Kim," they said together.

And it was back to being alone. 


	9. Just be there alright?

That night at the hospital I realized in the past week, I had come close to killing myself, twice! Call me stupid but it took me until then to notice how many people really cared.

The next day, after Darry, Soda, Ponyboy and the rest of 'em left, the whole gang called more than once during the day to check up on me and see how I was doing.

"Heya' Kimicakes!" Two bit shouted into the phone as the nurse handed it to me. 

"Hey Two-Bit!" I said happily, "I haven't talk to you in, er, forever," I said with a slight giggle.

"Yeah," He said gloomily, "I thought you forgot about me"

"Two-Bit, you're such a spaz" I loved that you could always tell when he was kidding.

"Yeah, but that's why you love me right?" he cracked.

I chuckled lightly, "Yeah, that's why I love ya'"

"So, how ya' doin Kimberley?" He always loved to call me my full name because he knew I hated it, he just love to mess with my mind.

"I'm okay, I guess." I said after a short pause, "I just don't like being in hospitals much, you know how that is."

"Ack! Tell me about it. That time I was I spray painted the cop car's window's black and the Socs…." and he went on and on telling me how the cop's Socy son had chased him down with his buddies and beat him up real bad and how he hated being in the hospital, even if was just that one night.

"Hey, is Jake around?" I asked suddenly.

Jake. The quietest one in the group and the most distant, if you know what I mean. He had always been protective of me, like he was responsible for me, even thought he wasn't THAT much older, just 5 and a half months. I think he's more protective than Darry is…  
well…..until now. He hadn't talked to me since Darry told the gang about me and my, um, "situation"  
So I figured that he was disappointed in me, the same way Darry was (even though Darry won't directly admit it) and I think Jakes' trying to avoid me to prove it. But, everyone knew that he's always had a thing for me, since I was 13, but no one says anything. And I gotta admit I had a little something for him too…not that it would ever go anywhere. Or at least I don't think so.

"Oh, uh, Yeah he's around" Two-Bit said.

"Well, um, can I talk to him" I said a little awkwardly.

I got all worked up thinking about what Jake was gonna say to me about all this. So I was a little rude to Two-Bit.

"Uh, yeah, sure" he said obviously a little weirded out, "Hold on a sec." There was a lot of shuffling and a loud crash and Jake's smooth, deep and sexy voice came on the line.

"Hi" he said sternly.

"Hi Jakey" I said sweetly trying to get him to stop being mad at me (which he obviously was)

"Hi Kim" he mumbled.

"Okay, um, how are you?" I asked quickly.

"Fine"

…..Something that I've noticed is that he always gives short answers when he's mad.

"You?" he asked.

So,  
I can always tell when he pretends not to be interested but really is. I can tell anything about him. Either he's just predictable or I just know him too well.

"I've been better" I admitted.

"Yeah, I'm sure" he said sarcastically.

"Jake!" I said a little agitated now.

"That's my name"

"Your pissing me off, Jake."

"Yeah, and who's fault is that?" He said angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Either I'm stupid, or that made no sense.

"I'm just saying that if you hadn't gone and screwed up, then maybe I'd be in a better mood."

Ouch.

That hurt,

A lot.

My eyes teared up and I felt something in the back of my throat.

I was close to hanging up when he let out a regretful sigh.

"Kim" he started, "I'm sorry, it's just,"

there was a long pause, "I care about you a lot, and I,"

another pause, "I hate that you're like this, all sick and everything"

and then, I thought I heard him let out a little yelp, like he was actually crying. Whoa.

Jake never cried. He was apathetic most of the time.

"Kim, can you meet me down at the DX?" He said almost in a whisper.

"Um, yeah, I guess, when?"

"Around 8:00, or 8:30?"

"The DX is closed at 6:30" I said a little confusedly.

"I know" he said slyly. It was like he wanted something.

"Why so late?" I asked.  
"Just be there alright?"

Well, that was weird, but at least I know that he's not mad at me. I fiddled with the wristband the hospital gives you and looked over at the clock, it flashed 5:47.

"See you then" he said abruptly and then clicked off the phone. 


End file.
